


"Only phonies jack off"

by sweatychild



Category: The Catcher in the Rye - J. D. Salinger
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-17
Updated: 2015-05-17
Packaged: 2018-03-30 23:43:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 585
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3956350
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sweatychild/pseuds/sweatychild
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I wrote this as a joke I am sorry</p>
            </blockquote>





	"Only phonies jack off"

I was going to the bathroom one morning when I felt a weird feeling in my stomach. I figured I would find out what it was when I got the bathroom but for that moment I pretended I was a solider that got shot in the stomach. When I got in front of the toilet to take a piss, I dropped my hands from where they were clutching my stomach and one of them brushed up against my crouch. I felt a jolt go through my body. I looked down and saw that I had a hard on. It wasn't surprising to me, I mean I am a guy and guys get hard ons. Usually I just ignore them, but this time my hand did what it wanted to. It slipped into my pants and gently touched my cock. I hadn't done this is in a long time so it felt weird touching it. I took off my pants so I wouldn't make a mess out of them. I was standing there over the toilet stroking my cock when I realized how pathetic it was. I couldn't get laid so I was fucking my hand instead. I immediately took my hand away. How depressing was I? Only phonies jack off. I sat down on the toilet with my dick still as hard as a rock thinking about where I could get a girl. It was unsatisfying not cumming but it would be worse if I came in my hand. I was going to go to the phone and call someone to see if they had a girl, but then I noticed that my cock was still out. I grabbed my pants and as I pulled them up the fabric brushed against my cock sending another jolt through my body. I just ignored it and buttoned my pants and walked over to the phone. I dialed the number of the hotel I stayed at the one time and asked for the elevator boy that got me that hooker. I asked if he knew anyone out here that would get me a girl. He said no one would come out this early for me but that he had a phone number that I could have instead. I wrote down the number and called it. A lady answered it and she started talking to me in a sexy voice. "Man or woman" she asked.   
"Woman," I said stuttering a bit. "Well you can stay right here hun," She started asking me all these questions like what was I wearing and if I was hard. Then I realized what number I had called. She asked for my name and I told her the truth. I shoved my hand down my pants when she repeated it in her sexy voice. I felt really close and was enjoying myself when I realized that this was pathetic as well. I'm still using my hand. Its just that a girl is talking to me. I'm getting off on a girl's voice. I felt really crappy and I started to cry a little bit. The same hand that had been touching my dick all morning reached up and wiped the tears off my face. Then it went right back to stroking myself. The tears made it a slightly smoother process and I finished quickly. After I had finished and hung up. I cleaned myself up, cried a bit more, called myself a goddamn phony before deciding that maybe sleep would be a better option.


End file.
